Most People Quit Here (Don’t Let It Be You)

Why is it so hard to finish the things that matter to us?

The reason is simple.

It takes energy—something our brains are programmed to conserve.

Furthermore, in school, we learned math and geography, but not how to operate our minds.

Mastering your mind is the ultimate skill—everything begins there.

Your mind can become your greatest ally or your worst saboteur.

It’s up to you to study it, create your own manual, and turn it into an ally.

You must learn to:

And accept that:

That’s not its job. ****

It’s wired for comfort and safety, not greatness.

It doesn’t give a fish about your goals.

Its job is to keep you alive, not to make you happy.

And it does so through emotions—action signals to guide you.

But they don’t control you.

You can listen to them, evaluate their message, and choose the best course rationally.

When it comes to goals, as bad as most people are at starting, they’re even worse at finishing.

If you want to reach your goal, you need an accurate map to navigate your emotional territory and know where the predictable dragons are.

A map that tells you “Arrrgh, here be dragons, mate.”

Forewarned is forearmed.

The Emotional Cycle of Change

Any real change—no matter how exciting at the beginning—will eventually test your resolve.

Change involves uncertainty, which implies hidden risks and effort.

It’s uncomfortable and burns vast amounts of emotional reserves.

The mind doesn’t like this.

The best way to get your mind on your side is to remove the “fog of war” as quickly as possible.

Below is a screenshot from Heroes of Might and Magic 3 (one of my favorite PC games) showing the hero at the start of the game surrounded by the “fog of war”.

The same applies in real life.

Your job is to advance and gather critical information and expose reality—so you can stop imagining worst-case scenarios and start acting strategically.

Until you do, your mind will default to fear, doubt, and avoidance.

But once the fog lifts, you can see the path.

Enter the Emotional Cycle of Change.

It’s a model outlining the five emotional phases you go through any time you pursue meaningful change:

1. Uninformed Optimism: Peak motivation, expectations, and certainty.

2. Informed Pessimism: Reality hits. Unexpected obstacles appear. It’s harder than expected.

3. Valley of Despair: The danger zone where doubt replaces motivation, and most abandon their goals.

4. Informed Optimism: You push through, develop solutions, and rebuild momentum.

5. Success and Fulfillment: You reach your goal and enjoy the benefits.

This graphic is from book The 12 Week Year. It’s an adaptation of psychologists Don Kelley’s and Daryl Connor’s original model.

Even if the outcome is desirable and positive, you must prepare for an emotional roller coaster. If you’ve ever started a new job or business, moved to a new city, or trained for a race, you know that what looks inspiring at the beginning often turns overwhelming eventually.

This model can act as a compass.

It can’t walk the path for you—but it helps you spot traps before they sabotage your progress, making it less likely that you’ll be derailed by negative emotions.

Phase 1: Uninformed Optimism

This is the honeymoon phase.

You’re energized, confident, and thinking: “This is going to be awesome.”

You’re brainstorming and strategizing.

Everything seems possible (on paper, anyway).

You picture all the benefits of your goal.

You know there are challenges ahead.

But right now they’re just distant possibilities, not lived reality.

You’re also blissfully unaware of challenges you don’t even know exist.

This is uninformed optimism.

At this point, your confidence is often at its highest when your competence is lowest.

This is called the Dunning-Kruger Effect.

You’re on the peak of “Mount Stupid” as humorously depicted in the graphic below.

Feeling certain you understand the challenge—until reality exposes the hidden complexity.

Signing up for a marathon is all fun and games until it’s 5 a.m., you’re exhausted and drenched in freezing rain, with waterlogged shoes squeaking at every step.

That’s when overconfidence fades, self-doubt creeps in, and people quit, not because they don’t have what it takes, but because they didn’t see pitfalls.

And this is exactly how it should be.

If you knew how hard the goal actually will be, your mind would try to talk you out of it.

And you might never start, which means you fail by default.

It’s how we “trick” ourselves into committing to a worthy goal.

And using it as a forcing function to grow into the person capable of achieving it.

Starting is a big win.

Phase 2: Informed Pessimism

Unfortunately, the honeymoon phase doesn’t last.

Life gets in the way.

As you take action, you begin to experience the true cost your goal demands of you.

You think: “Uh-oh, this is harder than I thought...”

But this is expected. Winston Churchill put it like this:

Your plan got you moving. Good.

Acknowledge yourself for that.

However, if you’re not prepared to accept and adapt to changing circumstances, the mismatch between your expectations and reality can be discouraging.

It’s all a matter of perception, of what you focus on.

You make it harder for yourself when you resist difficulties with thoughts like:

“This sucks.”

“It shouldn’t be this hard.”

“I’m not good enough.”

Nothing has truly changed.

The benefits are still real, just clouded by the felt cost of change.

Don’t fall for this.

If you do, you risk starting to question whether your goal is worth it.

And you might begin to look for reasons to abandon it.

You can’t see the forest for the trees.

And things are about to get even worse…

Phase 3: The Valley of Despair

This is the make-or-break moment where most give up.

Where dreams die, if you let them.

You’ve persevered so far and learned that this is no walk in the park.

The pain of change peaks here.

Effort feels highest.

Your energy and motivation are at their lowest.

Success and its benefits seem far away and uncertain.

You’re bloodied. Running on fumes. Hanging on by a thread.

Welcome to the Valley of Despair.

Population: you.

And there is a fast, easy way to escape the discomfort.

Quitting promises instant relief.

You start to rationalize:

“I’ll take a break and come back.”

“This other opportunity is more important.”

These are lies. Do not listen to them.

The problem is that this usually happens out of your conscious awareness.

So if you’re not watching for this carefully, your mind might make the decision to quit for you, without your conscious permission.

Famous psychologist Carl Jung warned:

This is why you need dependable systems to guard against your mind’s tendency to seek comfort.

As the saying goes:

This is not the time to slow down or quit.

A Warning On The Cost of Quitting

If you quit here, you’re not just losing your progress.

And denting your self-confidence.

You’re teaching your brain to quit.

Each time you walk away mid-cycle, this behavior becomes easier to repeat due to neuroplasticity.

With every action, whether aligned with your goals or not, your brain rewires itself at a physical level.

If you quit one thing, you’re more likely to quit other things.

Furthermore, there is no guarantee you’ll return to this goal.

Many people forget or give up for good after a few “failures”.

But heavy is the weight of regret and the consequences of abandoned dreams.

If you want to make it out of the Valley of Despair, you need two things:

A “Bring-It-On” Attitude And Systems to Back It Up

In my article: How Peak Performers Turn Work Into Play, I introduced the gamer’s mindset:

When you welcome challenges as puzzle pieces and opportunities to grow, you embrace life, turning effort into play.

Despite feeling battered, you can smile a bloody grin and say:

Then, you move into action and leverage the systems you had put in place before you started.

Step 1 - Reconnect with Your Vision and Why

Pull out your original vision for the goal.

Re-connect with your burning why—the reason you began:

1. How will achieving this change your life?

2. What’s the cost if you don’t?

3. What’s the positive impact on others?

See yourself accomplishing the goal.

Re-ignite the spark, and turn it into a blaze that consumes any obstacle in the way.

Step 2 - Ask for Support

In my last letter, I explained why all elite performers have a team to support them (read it here).

Your excuses only sound convincing until you say them out loud to your accountability partner.

Your partner is not there to babysit you, but to listen and give you space to talk.

And they might:

• Point out the progress you’ve already made.

• Remind you of why you got started.

• Suggest ideas you didn’t think of.

• Introduce you to people or resources that can help.

• Or give you a swift kick in the butt.

They won’t let you settle for less than you’re capable of and give you the extra boost to get through.

Step 3 - Use Routines to Stay Focused and Avoid The Shiny Object Syndrome

When things get hard, distractions look tempting.

You might jump into a new project.

Or double down on your workouts.

Things you know will give you a much-needed sense of progress.

Or you might distract yourself with cheap dopamine through Netflix and social media.

Your mind is a puppet master, always seeking to relieve the pressure.

You must stick with your goal until it’s done.

Taking on extra things will lower your chance of success significantly.

My #1 goal right now is to publish an article weekly so I can impact more people.

My routine is to write for 3 hours every morning within 5-10 minutes of waking up.

This is non-negotiable.

And it’s been fun to observe the many creative excuses my constantly mind makes up to avoid this, even though I enjoy writing. But my guardrails help me stay on track.

Phase 4: The Light At the End of the Tunnel

When you choose to persevere, you’re rewarded with something very powerful: hope.

Light appears at the end of the tunnel.

You have a more realistic view of what it takes.

You’re in the “informed optimism” stage.

This allows you, as one of my favorite quotes goes, to:

From this more empowered state of mind, you can shift your focus to solving challenges, instead of avoiding them.

Your creativity and energy increase.

You can reflect on what you’ve learned to iterate and adapt.

Problems start to yield to solutions.

Confidence builds.

Momentum picks up.

And eventually you reach your goal and enjoy the benefits.

Great job. Now let’s finish this cycle with…

Next Steps

Next week, we’ll cover an effective accountability system to make consistency inevitable and help you navigate the “emotional cycle of change” with ease.

Until then, I have one ask:

Pick one thing from this article that you’ll implement this week.

Share this in the comments below and tell someone about it. Make it real.

And if this article helped, share it with one person who needs to hear it.

You never know who’s stuck in their Valley of Despair right now—and needs your nudge to turn things around.

Subscribe here for more weekly practical performance insights.

If you want to dive deeper into how to build habits more easily, read my previous articles:

• Part 1 — Reclaim Your Mornings, Change Your Life

• Part 2 — This 5-Minute Method Makes Motivation Irrelevant

• Part 3 — How Peak Performers Turn Work Into Play

• Part 4 — The Solo Hero Fallacy

Be relentless. Be all you can be.

— Ovi